I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
