You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
