I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
