The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
