So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
