I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
