p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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