i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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