legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
