I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Can you bring me the toilet please
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
