Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
