so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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