Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
