I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
