It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
