Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
