Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
