his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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