THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
