Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
