tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I want a musical about memes.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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