I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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