if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
