Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
