ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
