i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
