Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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