Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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