so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
