just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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