A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
PANTIES FOUND
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