Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
