i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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