I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
