When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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