What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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