why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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