i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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