I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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