It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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