dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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