Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
did i just pee glitter
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
