Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
