Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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