I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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