u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
