dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
