Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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