a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
