who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
