And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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