3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
