i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
