The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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