Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
